Ernie: Did you see the magazine Daddy left in the bathroom?
Me: (panicked) What magazine?!
Ernie: Maxim.
Me: (relieved) That’s okay. He can read what he wants.
Ernie: But its . . . its . . . the word I can’t say that begins with a “P”.
Me: What word? Just say it.
Ernie: P-O-R-N
Me: Oh, that “P” word.
Ernie: Are you going to divorce him?
Me: Why? For looking at a magazine?
Ernie: Men who read that stuff want to find younger, skinny wives.